The Expendables – Man, that was gay!

The Expendables (2010) by Sylvester Stallone

I was prepared to watch the stupidest movie ever – and though it is not quite that it wasn’t that far from it either. So, you might ask why I would even watch a movie which I expect to be bad… I asked myself the same question from the movie-theater to the hostel. I don’t know, maybe I am masochistic?

But do you remember when you promised yourself never to eat at McDonald’s again and how long you stuck to it. Well, I am now promising myself never to watch a dick flick again. Let’s see how long it takes me to stick to it.

Now, it was what you would expect it to be. We have Stallone and his gang as mercenaries who do everything and anything for money until they come across something unsoluable and agree not to do it – ’cause it would probably kill the lot of them. But the head honcho (Stallone) gets a conscience-call and wants to save the girl and his friends all help him and they do it and none of them gets killed… though a lot of stuff gets broken, and blown up, and shot, and destroyed…. mainly the only things standing are the heroes and the girl.

Another thing that was to be expected with so much machismo strutting about was plenty of suppressed homoeroticism – only, it wasn’t that suppressed. There were plenty of seemingly inside jokes that they almost lined up for a meta narrative – and am I the only one who recognized Statham’s comment about Sarah not being Stallone’s type as an outing? Cute, really cute.

On the whole the movie wasn’t too bad… for a dick flick, anyways. I even got new respect for Mickey Rourke who really pulled all registers in a scene that without any acting skills would have to have been flushed down the toilet because of the sappy writing. I wrote in the blog about Iron Man 2 how saddened I am about actors/actresses doing plastic surgery… I think I got kinda zen about it since then. It’s their faces after all, they decide, it’s none of my business if they like the result. That goes for men and women alike…

With all the “elderly” action heroes starring in this movie, did you miss a face? I did. Jean-Claude Van Demme. Of course, if he would have been in I wouldn’t have watched (I really hated him during… when did he make movies, the 90s?) but still… he kind of belonged there somehow. Just a thought… oh, and Dolph Lundgren looked so great, must be those scandinavic genes…

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Iron Man 2 – yeah, well…

Iron Man 2 (2010) by Jon Favreau

It’s been a while since I have seen it but I still wanted to write something short about it. It was good – and that’s all one can say about it, I guess. It was as good as the first one but not that much different if I remember correctly.

The thing is: I really like Iron Man / Tony Stark. He does not have super-powers, per se, he is a snob, he is a little like Batman. But (and it is one of those huge BUTs that deem capital letters necessary), so, BUT I never liked Batman. Strange, I only found out that I don’t like him when Christian Bale played him the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I have liked Christian Bale since I first saw him in Henry V but I don’t like Batman… he is too serious, takes himself to serious. Tony Stark on the other hand is a snob and he is constantly mocking himself and everybody around him. He’s snarky and cynical. And of course, Robert Downey jr. is a brilliant actor (so brilliant, in fact, that one has to wonder why he is playing a superhero and not Shakespeare).

The cast is great, too. We have Downey and Paltrow (I am not necessarily a fan of Paltrow’s but there are movies where I can stand her and this is one of them), and Scarlett Johansson (always stunning and a good actress) and Samuel L. Jackson – and to see those two together again after The Spirit is really great, they are an unlikely pairing but a good one (and yes, I am aware that The Spirit is quite a silly movie but who says silly is bad – I loved it… and Eva Mendes!), Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle and Sam Rockwell.

What put me off  a little were the faces of both Mickey Rourke and Garry Shandling. Ouch. Plastic surgery is really a sad admission to one’s vanity and it looks painful. I don’t think that it’s worse with men – or women – I think it is always ill advised. I mean, if you have two noses in your face or are so disfigured you cannot live with yourself, or it is actually affecting your health (women can get serious problems with their back if their boobs are to big and I sympathize) then it is okay but getting older is not something to fret about. We are all getting older – go deal!  And let’s face it there are few women more sexy than Meryl Streep…

Okay, good movie…