action movie dick flick

The Expendables – Man, that was gay!

The Expendables (2010) by Sylvester Stallone

I was prepared to watch the stupidest movie ever – and though it is not quite that it wasn’t that far from it either. So, you might ask why I would even watch a movie which I expect to be bad… I asked myself the same question from the movie-theater to the hostel. I don’t know, maybe I am masochistic?

But do you remember when you promised yourself never to eat at McDonald’s again and how long you stuck to it. Well, I am now promising myself never to watch a dick flick again. Let’s see how long it takes me to stick to it.

Now, it was what you would expect it to be. We have Stallone and his gang as mercenaries who do everything and anything for money until they come across something unsoluable and agree not to do it – ’cause it would probably kill the lot of them. But the head honcho (Stallone) gets a conscience-call and wants to save the girl and his friends all help him and they do it and none of them gets killed… though a lot of stuff gets broken, and blown up, and shot, and destroyed…. mainly the only things standing are the heroes and the girl.

Another thing that was to be expected with so much machismo strutting about was plenty of suppressed homoeroticism – only, it wasn’t that suppressed. There were plenty of seemingly inside jokes that they almost lined up for a meta narrative – and am I the only one who recognized Statham’s comment about Sarah not being Stallone’s type as an outing? Cute, really cute.

On the whole the movie wasn’t too bad… for a dick flick, anyways. I even got new respect for Mickey Rourke who really pulled all registers in a scene that without any acting skills would have to have been flushed down the toilet because of the sappy writing. I wrote in the blog about Iron Man 2 how saddened I am about actors/actresses doing plastic surgery… I think I got kinda zen about it since then. It’s their faces after all, they decide, it’s none of my business if they like the result. That goes for men and women alike…

With all the “elderly” action heroes starring in this movie, did you miss a face? I did. Jean-Claude Van Demme. Of course, if he would have been in I wouldn’t have watched (I really hated him during… when did he make movies, the 90s?) but still… he kind of belonged there somehow. Just a thought… oh, and Dolph Lundgren looked so great, must be those scandinavic genes…